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Monthly Archives: December 2015

An open letter to the creators of “The Expanse”

the_expanseC/O Everyone That Creates ‘The Expanse’

Possibly Somewhere in Hollywood? Dunno. Well, these are the Internets, so wherever you are…

 

You’re going to be cancelled.

You know it, the executives know it, and we know it. Yup, we, the audience, even those of us who forked over the cash for the iTunes season pass.

What? How do I know? While I have neither heard or read any news in this regard whatsoever, I am absolutely certain that after you have put out several more episodes of what is without a doubt the best hard Science Fiction show in years you will face the obvious result: imminent cancellation.

That’s right. The show is too fucking good. You could have plodded along with some aliens invading or apocalyptic something-or-other, or zombies, all goo with some crappy plastic models hanging on strings, but no. You had to focus on gritty realism, character development, and seamless execution of what the day-to-day reality of a spacefaring civilization would be like. Visual and sensory detail and beauty that put you above a majority of all science fiction ever put on screen. Evolving complex plots or characters that would need several hours of “Previously on…” previews to get anyone up to speed. A worthy successor to every good show we’ve loved in recent years: Battlestar GalacticaStargate Universe, Firefly …. Hell, the pilot is on par with some of the best movies in the genre (save for, naturally, the fact that the plot is not appropriately compressed).

Btw, speaking of Firefly. Get some Joss Whedon juice in there. A few more jokes. You need one character who isn’t brooding. Someone has to be fired up about being in space, right?

Anyway, you have chosen to put your show on TV, Syfy of all places, which as we have seen pretty much guarantees you will be cancelled in the most unexpected, gut-wrenching way possible.

Granted, you may be able to advance painfully for a few seasons, as you are constantly actually shut down or threatened with cancellation, and then brought back from the brink in what at this point is, I think, a concerted effort by certain television executives to whip up a fan movement that will continue to buy every book, movie, pin, photo, shred of set, or any kind of other artifact of the show for years to come. Merchandising rights. That’s what they go for, isn’t it?

Regardless. This is going to happen.

So, I beseech you to get ready now and, furthermore, I would also like to extend any offer of help I can for the campaign that will follow your upcoming cancellation. Maybe we can come up with a hashtag?

To all space nerds! Get ready as well. We should start the online howling now, just to be in shape for when it matters. Plus, I’m sure we all have some forms leftover from BSG or SGU that we can use.

To everyone else: you know, could do us space nerds a solid and just watch this goddamn science fiction show for once. You ignored our pleas with BSG. Fine. Same with everything else really.  Just once we would like to have nice things. Put it on mute, we don’t care. Give it ratings. You can keep CSI, Survivor, and whatever else.

IMPORTANT RE: THE LAST TWO PARAGRAPHS — getting people to watch the show will not, as you would expect, stop it from getting cancelled. It will get cancelled. It will. This is a fact. The sooner we all accept this, the better. Having more people watching might make it easier to have a return season after the outrage though, so the effort still counts.

HAN SHOT FIRST!

Sincerely,

d

PS: Alternatively, you could let the quality of the show go to hell. This will not stop it from being cancelled, but at least it will hurt less when it happens.

PPS: And, again, Syfy? Syfy!?! Syfy has perfected this process to an artform: create a great science fiction show, then either starve it or cancel it for no apparent reason, usually “lack of audience” or “high cost.” Science fiction has an audience. Star Wars, The Martian, even  Interstellar, all made tons of money. Meanwhile on TV Duck Dynasty gets eight seasons. Something’s rotten in Denmark. In some cases I understand they pick up stuff produced by others by they seem to have a spectacular record of just butchering whatever falls into their lap. Or maybe this is all a vast, shrewd conspiracy.

PPS: Syfy, get your game on. And before cancelling stuff, talk to Netflix or Amazon. Those guys do TV now! They can help. Hell, I’d even take Hulu.

 

 

 

 

Star Wars Life Lessons, Part 1: Choose Your Childhood

In preparation for watching The Force Awakens, I thought I’d revisit some of the useful everyday life lessons we have learned from Star Wars in what regards to how to appropriately choose your early childhood setting to have the best options later on in life.

So you’re a baby! Congrats. Being born is hard, I know, but you really need to focus on choosing which way to go. It’s never too early. Some kids today are fighting for placement on those sweet AP Fall Advanced Calculus Classes in 2025, and you are no different.

You need to choose your childhood correctly. By the time you’re 18 or so, you will be unsure of which way to go, and it will be too late. Trust me. You’re going to be confused and kind of in a bad mood or scared a lot of the time, but pretending not to. Plus you’ll be waaaaay too distracted with one or more of: chess, math, sex, booze, the two or three other teen humans in your clique, music, video/board games, books, movies, role-playing, to make any long-term, carefully measured and balanced life choices.

So we’re agreed you need to do this now. While you have time, ie., while you’re a baby. If you choose right, here’s what’s in store for you. You can:

  • become a super cool hero with  extremely cool buddies and great hair and fly on even cooler spaceships and with holograms and computers and lasers and swordfights and robots and leather jackets and being funny and fixing hyperdrives by hitting consoles and robots and furry friends that can also fix and drive your spaceship and robots.
  • fix, design, or build fully formed cybernetic organisms with true AI that nevertheless can only either produce beeps or speak with a British accent and an unintended wry wit. How cool and smart these droids are will be inversely related to their ability to speak english, and will directly correlate with the velocity and cuteness with which they can emit different beeping sounds.
  • achieve the unique state of being  wise, poised, thoughtful and courageous while simultaneously remaining unbearably naive and being subject to dangerously unpredictable outbursts of blinding rage and/or passion.
  • fix, design or build hover vehicles propelled by jet/antigrav engines that would put the old Lockheed Skunkworks engineers to shame
  • be the best effing pilot anyone’s ever seen regardless of terrain or type of ship (perhaps, even, the best in the galaxy!). That’s not all — though you have might have spent most of your short life driving oxidized chunks of metal in a desert you WILL be able to instantly apply those skills to any kind of zero-g multi-vector thrust vehicles with faster-than-light capabilities running on a parallel supercomputer platforms, just like that. Guaranteed.
  • eventually be trusted with either destroying or saving the galaxy or and entire galactic army or something along those lines. Plus having some serious issues with your parents, but that’s for the sequel, I mean, another post. We’ll just hint at that here.

I think we can all agree these are terrific skills and abilities. You’d be a bit of a wildcard, sure, unpredictable perhaps… a bit of a tyrant? ….  but what could possibly be wrong with that? It’s not as if you’re eventually going to be trusted with either destroying or saving the galaxy or and entire galactic army or or anything, right? Jeez. Relax.

Anyway, this is were the choice of childhood is critical. You need to focus. Concentrate. Don’t be a baby. Think.

To reach these goals, would you:

A) Live in a cathedral of silence and well being that allows the necessary concentration to obtain multiple degrees in engineering, relativistic quantum physics, mathematics, biology, astronomy, computer science and train 6-8 hours a day for both physical perfection and mental acuity in a way that would put most of SEAL Team 6 to shame,  maintain a successful side business to provide you with the millions of space credits you’ll need to buy all those CPUs, memory banks, jet fuel, and rare minerals as well as paying the lawyers and lobbyists you’ll need to convince the space government you are not some kind of bizarre tiny genius-evil-mastermind-terrorist while simultaneously greasing the skids in said space-government to obtain all the supplies you need for your droid and spaceship building experiments.

B) Live more or less isolated somewhere in a desert planet *(1) as a farm-hand (?) in your family’s desert farm(?) living in mud-igloo-like-structures (?)  with possibly no doors or windows or under a tarp, much less air conditioning or heating, access to schools, socialization, or even basic reading materials and where super complex tasks like helping your mother or communicating with moisture vaporators *(2) are left to other droids that you don’t even have yet. (However, you will obtain/build said droid just before you embark on the adventure to do the hero stuff at which point you won’t really need the droid… errr… okay nevermind. Look, the droid is going to say some funny stuff is what I’m getting at.)

C) Be a scrap junkyard jockey in a desert planet *(1)  with access to any number of CPUs, circuit boards, rare metals, fiber optics, micro fusion reactors, tools and jet fuel with which you can repair and build droids and sand speeders. This one is, I’m afraid a bit more of a downer, including indentured servitude, and in spite of said access to advanced and presumably expensive hardware, you will have relatively poor nutrition and higiene, no healthcare and no access to school, much less textbooks, notebooks, keyboards, monitors, reading or writing devices or toys of any kind. Not that you’d need those to build the droids or the ships, or to grow up without turning into some kind of Norman Bates-type character. Right?

D) Have at least ONE of your parents be: Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker, Carrie Fischer, or Midichlorians (not sure what those are, but I think you can get a deal on a 5-lb bag of them at Costco*(3)). YOU WOULD THINK THAT whoever were the parent(s) of Yoda, Sam Jackson, Palpatine, Darth Maul, the green tentacle-on-head lady or any of the other dozens or hundreds of Jedi would be a good source of earth shattering hero Force-enabled dude/dudette material… but no. It’s gotta be Skywalker blood. You know, like Tolkien talked about fair-skinned ancestors…. wait… anyone can be a hero!…. bloodlines? not that we’re getting into eugenics or anything. God no. Why did you have to make it weird? *(4)

 

Answer: D. Obvious. Right?

But also, surprise! B and/or C are pretty much required. So it’s (B/C)+D. Kind of cheated there. I know. These are difficult choices.

What? You picked A?

Nerd.

 

Footnotes:

*(1) This is important. Desert planet. Not just a desert. You can’t get away with this by spending the summer in Aruba or something. A whole planet that’s just a desert. Oh, and it needs a cantina and a band of weirdos playing in it. Not sure that’s 100% required or not, but check that box, just to be safe.

*(2) in case it wasn’t clear, the stated purpose of the creation/acquisition of C3PO in Episode I/IV, respectively.

*(3) Safeway is out of stock*(3a).

*(3a) This is more of a West Coast joke. Because Safeway. Get over it.

*(4) Seriously, though. At some point we’re going to need heroes than can do stuff because they train and are dedicated, not because the have the right chromosomes.

Purpose.

So last night I get a news alert from CNN: This year Europe received one million refugees.

I read that, and wondered, not for the first time: what am I supposed to do with this information?

oOo

Don’t worry, this isn’t another indictment of the 24 hour news cycle, or some empty complaint about the relentlessly depressive nature of a lot of news (in general, not even lately). This isn’t something about whether we have the information we need or we deserve, or whether we can or should be doing anything, anything at all, for the apparently innumerable intractable problems that surround us, so much so that we end up making blockbusters of movie after movie that talks about nothing but the end of the world… because, presumably, one thing that will be for sure after that is that it will be quiet. 

No.

It’s about a shift in attitude, and it’s meant to be positive, not to bring anyone down. It’s meant to be freeing.

This is about a simple question that we need to start asking ourselves more frequently.

Here it is:

WHY?

We have to start asking ourselves this question about a great many things, in a great many areas of human endeavor.

We have to ask why not in a negative way, not wailing or crying about how bad we have it. This isn’t dark or cynical. We have to ask why in a way that can bring about new solutions and in a way that maybe requires to throw away some old notions or to stop doing things the way we used to.

Because it’s time.

oOo

The question I’m talking about, the why in the way I mean it, refers to questioning things we’ve been repeating for a long time without thinking or maybe without really trying to figure out if there’s a better or different way for something.

We have spent many decades building stuff and coming up with ways to do stuff and creating organizations that can consistently both build and come up with way to do stuff.

A lot of it is fine, really. This isn’t about throwing it all away.

But a lot of it is just not really useful anymore. It needs to be replaced, or simply removed.

oOo

Example: the news. CNN informs me that a million refugees went into Europe this year, via a notification on my phone.

Why?

To start somewhere, out of the many many things that happened in the last 12 hours, why did I get a notification for that and not for something else?

Easy: Many people (certainly in the news) have been freaking out about refugees. CNN wants readers. So some programming person somewhere saw this article come up and had to choose the ONE notification they would send out for the next 12 hours, because they know they can’t send a million or we’ll just delete the app, because they know we don’t pay much attention anyway… and he chooses something that is simultaneously “Serious”, “Newsworthy” but that also will almost certainly catch the eye. A MILLION REFUGEES!!! WHAT THE….

Yeah, sensationalism. So this CNN person (or more likely a group… think of it, this one notification sent to millions of people the result of a 30-minute meeting someone had in Atlanta a few hours ago).

But still, why? Well, CNN is (nominally at least) in the news business, so it must do news. And this is how we do news now, isn’t it?

ISN’T IT?

This is what I imagine Jeff Zucker wakes up every day to, that scream inside his head. ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU WANT? MORE TWEETING OR WHATEVER? JUST TELL ME I’LL DO IT. Jeff has a tough job, no two ways about it.

Back to the point: CNN is trying to survive, doing news or the closest approximation they can manage while still being able to cut to commercials about Viagra and golf courses. That’s fine.

CNN was the inventor, really, of the 24-hour news cycle. They were (actually) serious once. Real journalist-like. They just decided that the world had become too connected and too complicated and that the previous diet of news only in the morning, evening, or night, was not enough. That we needed news ALL THE TIME.

Fine. It was just an extension, really, of what had happened earlier. It used to be there was one news program that everyone liked. Everyone had their favorite TV news anchor. The most “trusted.”

Before that, Radio and newspapers held more sway. And even before that, just newspapers, or just a few printed pages every day, really, of things that were happening around towns. Around big towns specifically, because…

There. Right there.

There’s the why.

With the industrial revolution came the need for people to be closely together. Cities grew. As cities grew, they became more concentrated. People didn’t know each other anymore.

The old mechanisms for knowing what the hell was going on had broken down. If there was some pest killing all the chickens in the vicinity, you couldn’t rely on the old lady near the water hole anymore. If there was an impending band of roving asshats that was going to rob people you wouldn’t find out until they were on top of you. In this new, hypercompressed, always-on city, you couldn’t even see two feet in front of you, the smell and the dust and the ash and the pervasive rumors and bullshit so thick you needed someone to parse some of this stuff and tell you, well, simply, what you just had to know.

This is the why.

See, there is a why. There’s always a why. Always a reason. This one in particular started to get left behind pretty early. Once day, astute newspapermen (and yes, they were all men back then, trust me) realized that the more blood you talked about, the more papers you sold. People seemed to like it. Morbid curiosity? A twisted new way of finding entertainment? Perhaps finding that your life wasn’t really that bad because, look, there’s that other guy that just got run over by a truck and now can only eat with a straw, look at that, how horrible, and how’s he progressing, that saint, in his recovery? He’s a hero, that’s what…

Ok, I went too far. I said I wouldn’t get dark, or cynical, moving on.

The point is, the news had a point. There was a why. There was a reason. Over time, the reason mutated, changed. Over time, we added the profit motive (well, that one jumped on board pretty much at the beginning but the notion that there’s more profit margin in abstract thought sold for entertainment than in manufacturing something still hasn’t quite cut through some people).

oOo

Over time… over time, though, we just started doing it… well, because. Why do we watch the news? To be informed, to be good citizens, etcetera. True. True. To do our jobs… maybe, for some of us. But a lot of it, a lot of what we consume as “news” is really just filler. Useless. Even significant and perhaps tragic events are not really important to a lot of us, sad as that may sound. I’m not even going to go into the issue of how we selectively decide to freak out about the same thing depending on where it happens. I am talking about the objective value of the news, for example…

A small building collapses in somewhere in St Louis, MO. A few people killed and a few injured. No foul play… no crazy terrorists. Just an accident. Bad plumbing. Ok. Well, surely everyone in the vicinity should know about it, and gathering information and summarizing it for them is an eminently useful and worthwhile thing to do. They may have to find out if there’s family or friends hurt. City officials might have to revisit their building codes, or something. Perhaps, even, the whole State or the whole country might have to have a discussion about structural integrity and such. But the actual, specific continued coverage about the collapse, the victims, the bystanders, is irrelevant to anyone outside a 50-mile radius of that building. And yet, the “news” would spend two days with wall-to-wall coverage, and the rescue, and so forth. Charities would be set up. You know how it’d go.

But it shouldn’t be this way. There’s local news, and there’s global news, in that there’s things that affect us locally (“crossing two miles down my house is flooded”), nationally (“a few drops of rain in Chicago freeze air traffic”, heh), or world-wide (“Aliens land on White House lawn, demand rent-controlled apartment in NYC”).

oOo

This wasn’t a conspiracy — this is something that evolved naturally. We were doing one thing, and we kept doing it and now we’re still doing it even if it is not really useful and even if it, sometimes, it starts to hurt us. Because I’m all for entertainment, but there’s really no need for me to be informed about every tragedy in the world just because CNN has to fill its front page. There’s a lot of people in the world. Bad stuff happens all the time. So I don’t want to hear about a train crash in Thailand, horrible as that might be. I choose not to look at that, not to be uninformed, not because I don’t care, but because it serves no purpose. Whatever “good” can come from this information (safety concerns? worrying about trains I take? donate money? what?) surely is diluted by the obvious immediate “bad” that comes from having to process this stuff non-stop.

So it’s not about the news, or about CNN, although they do probably need some help to pull out from that sense of fully saturated colors tinted in desperation that I get from their every broadcast “pleeeassse watch us! we’ll have monkeys playing poker! Squirrels in space!!! ANYTHING!!!.”

I’m just saying that we have accumulated lots and lots of habits and systems and gadgets that are no longer necessary. They may need replacement, or rethinking. They may need just to be removed.

The opportunities are everywhere. We just have to look for purpose in what we do, in what we have.

Inertia is a powerful force, but it’s not all-powerful. Questioning, finding purpose in the things we do, is clarifying, and while it sometimes leads to uncomfortable problems that don’t have easy solutions, it invariably ends up being a useful exercise.

Just give it a try.

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